Reasons Why You Can't Do it Now
by Saratail
Summary: "I'm not even going to bother," muttered a policeman as he munched on a donut, eyeing the car zooming backwards on the highway with a very, very freckled behind sticking out of the side. "Not even going to bother…"


"But why not?" whined Ron. "I don't see why I can't do it, it seems like a perfectly good idea," he sniffed. Harry sighed, dropping his head into his hand.

"Hermione, please tell Ron, _again_, why he can't do it," he said slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose. Hermione eyed Ron warily while trying to focus on the road. Ron was about to open his mouth to say something when he was silenced by another sigh from the passenger seat at the front.

"This is why she picked _me_ to sit in the front with her and not you," Draco smirked. Hermione shook her head, looking very annoyed. "Boys, one more word from any of you, and I'll stop the car and leave you guys by the side of the road," she said thinly through her gritted teeth. "I'm trying to bloody concentrate on not running over anyone, and I can't do that if you're all going to be bickering like a bunch of blundering five year olds".

Silence ensued for the next couple of minutes.

"Can't I at least _try_ doing it-"

"No, Ron. It's not right," replied Harry. "What gave you the idea in the first place anyway?"

"It just popped into my head," he said indignantly. "I don't see why I can't do it. It's not like I'm going to hurt anyone if I do."

"It's illegal," said Harry shortly. "Merlin, Ron, if I knew you'd be such a pain in the car I wouldn't have invited you to come in the first place!" he exclaimed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "You've been going at this for the last 3 hours. Who's the genius that came up with the idea of this road trip anyway?" he asked. The entire occupants of the car turned around to glare at him. He shrunk back in his seat, laughing nervously. "Oh, right. Don't answer that…"

"Ugh, Harry, I'm so tired. Why don't we switch for now? You drive," said Hermione, pulling up at the side of the road. "I just want to sleep," she said through a yawn.

"Hey, I'm not sitting next to Pothead for the next few hours! Weasel, switch with me too," huffed Draco as he scrambled out of the car and jumped into the backseats. Ron seemed delighted at the thought of sitting up at the front. Harry on the other hand…

"No, no, no, no. Ron, sorry mate, but you're going to have to sit in the back with Hermione and Malfoy," said Harry quickly. Ron sighed and settled back into the backseat disappointedly, muttering to himself as he stared at the passing scenery through the window.

Half an hour had passed in silence since Harry had started up the car again and drove. He pushed his glasses up his nose and grasped the wheel tightly as he veered into another lane when all of a sudden…

"EW! EWWW! OH FOR MERLIN'S SAKE, YOU TWO! GET A ROOM!" Ron cried out, horrified. "OI! GET YOUR HAND OFF OF THERE, MALFOY! DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER EVER TEACH YOU NOT TO TOUCH PEOPLE THERE- OH MY GOD, MY EYES! MY EYES! HAAARRRRYYYYY!" he screeched, jumping into the front seat of the car, his arm thrown over his eyes as he tried to strap himself into the passenger seat with one hand. Harry, startled as the orange blur that was Ron whizzed from behind him and into the seat beside him, let out a frightened yell and narrowly missed swerving into a tree on the side of the road.

"Okay, Ron. You can sit beside me. Just no touching any gears or shifts or the wheel or ANYTHING," said Harry to Ron after berating Hermione and Draco for their "hanky-panky" in the backseat. Ron nodded vigorously and settled into his seat happily, rolling down the windows.

"_Now_ can I do it?" Ron suddenly asked.

"No," said Hermione.

"What about now?"

"No."

"But _why, _Harry? Why?"

"Because it's gross and illegal."

An hour of silence passed by slowly.

"… What about now?"

Draco let out an aggravated roar. "JUST LET HIM DO IT!" he yelled, reaching over Ron and unbuckling his seatbelt. "JUST BLOODY DO IT AND LEAVE US ALL TO SIT IN PEACE!"

"Okay," Ron cried happily. Harry turned to his friend, horrified as he began to panic when the gears suddenly shifted after Ron had kneed it in his excitement in finally being able to do what he wanted for the past five hours, and the car began zooming backwards on the streets.

"NO NO NO! RON! DON'T DO IT WHILE I'M REVERSING! DON'T DO IT WHILE I'M-"

"ROLL UP THE WINDOWS! ROLL UP THE WINDOWS, FOR MERLIN'S SAKE! IT'S GOING TO FLY INSIDE OF THE CAR! IT'S GOING TO-"

Ron let out a satisfied "aah," his face contorted into a very odd expression of relief and satisfaction.

But nothing, _nothing_, could ever match the expressions of the pedestrians and people in traffic alongside with them as they saw Ron's pale behind sticking out of the window with poop stains on the side of the car from when the wind had blown his excretions back onto the car rather than onto the streets.

Except, perhaps, the mortified poop covered blonde in the backseat with his window half open.

"MY CAR! MY BEAUTIFUL CAR! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY-"

"Here it comes again!" exclaimed Ron excitedly.

"I'm not even going to bother," muttered a policeman as he munched on a donut, eyeing the car zooming backwards on the highway with a very, very freckled behind sticking out of the side. "Not even going to bother…"


End file.
